SAD

I am extremely sad. Almost depressed. I had to say goodbye to the bestest most awesomest boy friend in the world. I miss him so much. I just... I keep thinking about him. I wish I could have been friends with him forever but our friendship was built up on a foundation of lies. I hate myself so much. Today it felt like I didn't get sleep at all, but I had a few dreams. I dreamt that I had a dream about being at a school in a post-apocalyptic world with a mechanical boyfriend, I also had another one and it was about eating lots then puking it up later. I woke up today with dark circles under my eyes, I never wake up like that, my eyes are dry from falling asleep crying, everything hurts.. including my heart. I feel like I have nobody anymore. Nobody at all. And I am very sure that I had to do that.. he was a super kind 17 year old, while I was a lying 14 year old. I'm so dumb, maybe he'll find my blog and read these, then he'll finally know the truth. But the chances are that we probably won't. I'm sorry Matthew.