Friends

So... I've broken up with my boyfriend and I haven't talked to my friends in school, I didn't even text them once. I feel like I'm sounding like a total fool but my friend Carrie never made a status about me, ever. Today she made a status about Keely, yet Keely and her have a not so good relationship, all of a sudden they're total besties. But I don't know... I think it's because I'm not there. But making a status about her is just gone too far. >_> I feel very unappreciated.

And today my ex sent me a message saying, "just remember when you think your free, the crack inside your heart is me"

which I found really weird. And I know they're lyrics, they're from my favorite musician Marilyn Manson... moving on...

So I'm pretty much a total loner now. Every day I go out for a smoke, and head straight to the swings to make up spoken poetry. If only I were to bring a pencil and paper my poems would be lovely... but they're somewhat depressing I suppose. And it's just so damn cold outside why would I want to bring a pencil and paper. >_> Ah for once in a few years I wish it was summer.

I'm not okay..

xxxx

Nights like these

1:59AM 28/11/2011

It's nights like these where I simply just want to not be around, ever.

It's night like these where I get a razor and do a few lines, and no, I do not do drugs. I cut.

I feel so alone. I feel as if everybody has somebody, but me. Unless I am just not looking hard enough.

I logged on to my old MSN name and my olf friend Jake whom I hadn't talked to in months had logged in.

I sent him a message, "Jake?"

He reply with, "hey!"

Then he logs off. I wonder what happened... maybe some sort of power failure or his computer gave out. He usually wouldn't just log out like that, but gawd did I want somebody to talk to and for a second, a nano second I had him. Until he logged out.

So here I am just typing away on my little laptop. I don't like life right now, life is being unfair it seems like. I've lost a boy that I kind of liked. Well, I only liked his body, his personality wasn't the best. I cut myself when I said I wouldn't. My parents are both intoxicated and they were just 'loving' my younger brother and I up. I don't believe it. They're drunk. Although I don't blame them I suppose, their lives are fucked.

Ah, I had so much to write about on here but I got occupied with changing my e-mails on this site. It's hard to explain and I am sort of lazy.

I think I have a problem with cutting again. And I think when alcohol is present it triggers me to cut. I had a few unpleasant run ins with alcohol and people. It wasn't pretty...

anyway want to see my pleasantly unpleasant cuts?

Note: The pictures you are about to see were not all done at the same time. They are from other times I have... cut.

Dribble dribble

Sicken isn't it?

^

Oh look at that pretty little mess.

This happened earlier, before 12AM.

My brother was slightly intoxicated and he swore at me

because I didn't lend him my earphones. Why didn't I

lend him them you ask? I am somewhat of a germophobe.

I cannot stand the thought of my own earphones being

in his filthy ear. Sick!

And again, so beautiful, yet so sickening.

Everyone WINS

"I can't get you out of my head, I'd cut my head off but then I would be dead. I'm not the only mother fucker who's dying! So let's just die together"

Let's just die together.

What a boring Sunday evening...

so bored, nobody to talk to. Well, I mean nobody important to talk to.

He's gone for good. And I'm okay will that, I am very okay with that. Really.

We both agreed that this relationship we had just wasn't going ANYWHERE. 

It was very true, all we did was watch movies, make out and just lay around and fiddle around with second base, but that's about it. The good thing is that, I miss him, but I don't. I feel really free now.

And he said that he will always be there to talk to, I said I would do the same for him. 

EVERYBODY WINS.  Gawd, that boy is something, lol.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And my friend Dolph said he was going to blog about me. 

He doesn't have a blog, silly Dolph. 

So I'm blogging about Dolph saying he was going to blog about me. 

I feel so... random, I suppose I could say? 

"Lilth Immaculate" by Cradle of Filth is a really nice song, really. I suggest it to every one!

New picture

Ahahaha, today I made my first meme picture. The Annoying Facebook Girl one, and I'm pretty proud of myself. :P

.

You make me so angry

20/11/2011

Why do I feel so angry? Does my mother want to loose her first and only daughter? I'm in a happy relationship and she's trying to take it all away. FOR ONCE... I am actually happy and she's trying to take it away.
That's horrible. HORRIBLE. I just wanna... cut.

11/11/11

Friday, November 11, 2011


I had the BEST day ever!!! My ex came here. It was planned and it went out perfectly.
I just wish I could relive it again and again. We just laid there and gazed into each others eyes.
We kissed. We held. We massaged. We tickled. We talked. It was just magical.
Originally he was supposed to come here to just talk about our relationship, but it turned into
a EPIC FEST. I don't know, I think I love him. He has got to be the sexiest guy EVER. 

~Le sigh~

I have never felt like this about a person before.