I have this killing loneliness. Or I feel like I have this mental disorder of some sort. I don't feel normal. If something was wrong with me I sure wish I knew.
Today I actually told my boyfriend/ex boyfriend how I felt about life. And how I needed to be alone. I honestly don't know if I regret it.
I told him how I always feel like shit. And how I have these constant thoughts of suicide and worthlessness. I told him how... he could go on and live his life without me. I feel like I'm holding him back in very big ways. He's even been calling me a kid. I guess I am a kid, and he doesn't want to be in some sort of big age difference relationship.
He said that he loved me. That somehow moved me. He also said that he doesn't want to lose me. To be honest... I just might wanna lose him. He even said that a part of him has died and that he is actually crying.
"To be honest... I just might wanna lose him"
What a world we live in.
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