Birthday

It is going to be my birthday... the day I was born... in 22 minutes.

Am I supposed to feel special or something? I never really thought that

celebrating my birthday was supposed to be really special, I was never really into

it I guess I could say, but boy do I ever feel like shit! My parents are broken up. My boyfriend

has his own plans for his birthday and all I have is shit!

Valentine's Day

Today I woke up to chocolates and weak smiles. I endured the day just so I could spend it with my boyfriend and now my mother told me in a text asking if my father was home, she also said that he was leaving her. Leaving her on fucking Valentine's Day... what will I never do now? How could I live my life without a dad and a father? Actually... to think about it he wasn't much of a father to me after I had turned 12. I remember on New Years he told me that I didn't know him and then he walked out. I wouldn't mind putting my sweet, sweet slick blade to my dark caramel colored skin. That is so bad. I don't even know if dating is worth it anymore because my boyfriend isn't making me feel better at all. Perhaps he doesn't care either. And I suppose I'm okay with that.

Man I really need to talk to somebody.

xxxx

I believe...

I believe that there is something wrong with moi and my not so precious self.

I wish I knew what could be possibly wrong with me. I hate the people around me, I hate talking but I just can't seem to shut the fuck up, I hate the way I look, I hate my personality, I have my family and I hate my life. When I say something it's like somebody says this 'cool' comeback which makes me look like this fucking stupid idiot. And then I just take it like a boss, well not like a boss, maybe like a fucking stupid idiot that can't stand up for them self? My spelling is ABSOLUTELY terrible today, well I mean its always been terrible but for some reason today its really terrible, like beyond terrible. Even my damn pronunciation is just as terrible... but every day. I almost feel like I'm supposed to be special, or I'm just actually this dumb ass idiot like all my damn peers. I don't wish to be like any of them, not even my best friend. I wish to be my own person, but I don't know. I have a few disorders or problems that I nee-I'm going to stop writing this and go to a different page. I'm literally the biggest loser in the world.