My newest regret

1:15AM THURSDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

So how do I start this off? I am pissed. Or I don't know what I'm feeling right now... but what I feel isn't very good. I feel stressed. I have school in the morning. I can't sleep. I can't even have any privacy! So my parents chose today to have a few too many beers, I suppose. Had their little friend over and made the biggest mistake. They let their son drink. Well my brother has a different father, but I suppose I could say 'they let their son drink'. So he got drunk. Start-oh here he comes... Anyway.. he started to get a little crazy and my parent's friend went and took him to get more beer. HOW AWESOME IS THAT? (sarcasm) And so he's here drinking and starts bothering me and telling me how depressed he is and that he is a loser that can't move out of his parent's house. Honestly, I wish I could help the dude. He has a problem, several actually. I don't know why his mother doesn't try help him at all. Maybe she is making somewhat of an effort but it isn't working. I just don't know what to do. This boy is sick. Mentally and I don't know... physically, I suppose. And his mother's side of the family isn't doing anything at all... they are just calling him down saying he won't do shit all with his life because of what state he is in. Some fucking family I have. I just wish... the world could be a happy place, like it used to be. I wish I didn't have to worry about anything. All I ever hear is, "Don't do anything stupid" "Don't try hurt yourself" "Please be safe and don't commit suicide" this isn't finished yet, gotta let my brother use the laptop. FML.

Well I am back and it is tomorrow. Heh, tomorrow. I don't know, it appears to me that the fucked up stuff that happened last night wasn't over! At approximately 2:45 PM I wake up to stuff being banged hard to the ground and yelling. My brother has... lost it. There's yelling so I just try to ignore it and I hear, "[name withheld] STOP, YOU'RE OVER DOING IT, DON'T HURT HIM" and it was my mother begging her husband not to hurt my brother too bad. They were trying to restrain him and wait for the cops to come and take him to the drunk tank. What a horrible night. I was late for school, but I don't know... School was pleasant. Had some decent classes and an okay lunch... but my ex boyfriend... likes to try piss me off. My friends and I were minding our own business being goofs and all of a sudden my ex pushes his friend and he crashes into Carrie and I. It was pretty... funny. I guess. And later on that day he said, "Don't cut yourself!" when I was in study hall trying to mind my own business looking out the window.

I'm getting lazy to type. Ooh, I have some new pictures of my... self mutilation. My cutting.

I'm a cutter, I can finally admit it. I suppose.

My little mistakes.

^ I had to clean up a little.

^ I don't know, this just randomly came to mind, so I did it.

^ After the deed was done. I felt... better.

I need help.